A List of Lame Firefighter Pick-up Lines

The following is a list of lame firfighter pick-up lines that we have cataloged at the ol' express:

1. You are on fire baby, wanna see my nozzle?

2. want to see my hose lay?

3. I hope that you are not breathing, because I want to do mouth to mouth.

4. They don't call fire trucks "pumpers" for nothing.

5. I'm a fireman, I'm an expert in what's hot.

6. Damn girl, your ass just dial 911.

7. Wanna slide down my fire pole.

8. Don't prime the pump unless you want to squirt a little water.

Now several fire department related sayings that sound dirty, but are not.

1. Be careful of the pole-hole.

2. Pumper

3. a reverse-lay.

4. Stright-stream

5. Large bore.

6. Large diameter hose.

7. Packing hose or humping hose.

8. Cross-lay

Yo Mama....

Happy Mother's Day. Especially to the mother that I married, I have never had a regret about her. She is the best.

Now a poem for Yo Mama.

Today is the day we celebrate yo mama,
So go buy her an alpaca sweater, they are related to llamas.

For about nine months she carried you around,
She was very careful not to plop you out on the ground.

After you were born she wiped your nose and powdered your ass,
I bet in the 70's she probably smoked grass.

She will always be there whenever you need her,
So get her something nice, not a cheap old weed eater.

Fix her a sandwich, a turkey on rye,
But not too many pickles she will dot your eye.

Think of a nice place like Peru or the Bahamas,
Then think of being there with a smoking hot mama.

Happy Mother's Day

WHAT KIND OF ROCKER AM I ?

You Are a Freedom Rocker!

You're stuck in the 70s - for better or worse Crazy hair, pot soaked clothes, and tons of groupies Your kind showed the world how to rock Is that freedom rock?... Well turn it up man!

What Kind of Rocker Are You?

Never start a conversation with any of these.

Thanks for the replies on the "38" that stuff is funny. Question of the week: Have you ever started a conversation with one of these and then immediately regret you opened your mouth?

1. I am not gay but.....
2. What does it mean when your pee smells like .....
3. Did you guys hear about Joe's crazy-ass wife (notices Joe's in the room)....

I took a couple of shifts off from the fire station to be with Bec and to catch up on work at John Deer. I will post a photo of a large "rake that I have been working on.

38 things that I've learned in 38 years

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. In the spirit of celebration I have listed 38 things that I have learned in the last 38 years.

1. Hugs don't cost a thing but are worth millions.

2. The words "I'm sorry" are as powerful as "I love you."

3. You can get a prescription for a Chihuahua if you have asthma.

4. New socks feel good on my feet.

5. Budweiser and pickled eggs makes for a rank fart in the morning.

6. Dune is a great movie.

7. Paste still tastes good.

8. Gay marriage is okay as long as both chicks are hot.

9. The coyote never wins but he never gives up.

10. The sound of fire hose "flaking off" the back of a pumper is sweet!

11. Dance like nobody is looking even when nobody is looking.

12. Mojo is stronger than the force.

13. Government cheese is good on animal crackers.

14. God is in the details.

15. For everything you loose, something new will replace it. You just may not notice it yet.

16. Japanese people have funny names.

17. Jack Lambert was one mean football player.

18. Moderation is only good in moderation.

19. God has his "A" game on when he made the female body.

20. All men are created equal, women are created better.

21. Sosa's are damn fine cigars.

22. Hearing "I love you daddy" opens my eyes, softens my hearts, and empties my wallet.

23. Seeing a guy getting hit in the balls with a wiffle-ball bat is still very funny.

24. That gooey-yellow thing in "pork-n-Beans" is the "pork."

25. Herbie Hancock and Earle Clugh are musical masters.

26. There is "something" out there.

27. Rock-n-roll ain't noise pollution.

28. A hemi cuda will smoke a big block camaro.

29. Going to bed with an itchy butt will cause you to wake up with smelly fingers.

30. I like sleeping on top of the covers.

31. Ice cream is better served cold.

32. Revenge is a dish best kept in the back of the fridge until it turns green and hairy and then you throw it away.

33. The best way to handle conflict is to confront it.

34. Houdini rhymes with weenie.

35. The smell of my wife's hair makes me sleep better.

36. It is easier to pee sitting down when you are sleepy.

37. Dogs are good.

38. A rich man invests in his family.

Keep it real yo.